Closed doors and stories behind
by xbloodysandx
Summary: Sasuke looked up to him, his parents did too. The stares were getting heavier with expectations. A teenager, Itachi didn't know why it had to be him to bear all their hopes. He struggles to keep the balance to make his family proud and to live his life the way he wants to. Kakashi has simple advice "The one who loves the most loses" he says, "Love less and maybe you will win"
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note**: It's been some years since I wrote. Forgive my mistakes as I am far from perfect and out of practice. I don't own Naruto or it's characters. I own just the story plot.

It's AU, no ninja business here sadly. It may be a bit grim, so it is not for everyone. Mature content. Not sure I will continue or if it is just one chapter. I'm fickle. Enjoy :)

xxxx

"Itachi, can I borrow your shirt?" Sasuke was looking at him with those pleading eyes again, never too loud, but always demanding nonetheless. "PLease?" he added briefly thinking the delay in response was due to rudeness on his part

"You're 5 years too early for my shirts yet Sasuke, they will be too big on you" the elder replied with an apologetic smile. "why do you want my shirt anyway?" The question threw little sasuke on a thinking spree. He didn't know why he wanted that nice blue shirt of his brother? He just wanted it. All his shirts were strange colours, makes him feel like a baby. He's 8 almost, and tired of feeling like a baby.

"Well, can you save your blue shirt for me then? So I can wear it when i'm 13 too?" Sasuke said not quite knowing that he didn't reply to his brother's question

"When you're thirteen, you'll have much nicer shirts than this little brother" Itachi was smiling. He poked the chubby cheek of Sasuke who still seems to be thinking very hard about his future 13 year old self and his brother's nice blue shirt. He was so adorable, thinking so hard like their father.

The poke broke his thoughts and he threw himself on his brother's back, feeling the warmth and safety radiating through the other, made the dream of new cool shirts so much more likely.

"You should be in bed by now, mother will be angry if she finds you still awake" Itachi said, pulling the little over over so he could sit on his lap and watch Itachi's study materials. He knew Sasuke had a sort of weakness for all things that were his brother's.

Immediately Sasuke reached for the red marker pen, it was a billion times better than his colour pencils, he didn't even know why. He guessed it's because all the shops paid special attention when they were making things for elders. They saved the worst things for kids.

Itachi let him have his fun, he made a mental note to make sure sasuke leaves it when he goes to sleep. It was his new pen, and it wasn't quite cheap per se. He couldn't afford to lose it, it's the only red one he has

Sasuke had already found a blank paper and started doodling his name in big red letters, trying his best to make it as neat and fancy as possible. He wanted to write things like his brother. In a moment he was far from the dream of future new shirts and submerged in the thing he has in his hand in the present.

Itachi sighed looking at him. He wishes he could buy a red new pen for sasuke and some new shirts. But their family was not doing the best, it was recession, and his father's fishing supply stall was on the verge of going bankrupt. He was suspicious that they were under some debt as well if the passive aggressive remarks of their mother and low arguments of their parents were any indication.

Poverty was new to him. They have been well off as long as he's been alive. He doesn't completely understand what it is yet, their parents try their best not to let them realize yet. But he feel it's presence there. Mother sighes more than she smiles, father's worry lines are getting deeper. Birthday presents are the only occasions to get any gifts at all, and they gifts they get as the bare necessities. Like clothes, shoes, a new school bag.

Sasuke was hoping for a new toy car for his birthday that his parents had promised before Christmas, but got a new school uniform instead. He had wiped his tears in his brother's embrace, without noise, without any vocal rebellion. He was a good kid, never said a word about his disappointment after Itachi explained that if he threw a tantrum, he'd hurt their parent's feelings. They were doing the best they could. He didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. But he didn't quite understand why he was being hurt either.

They should have just said no instead of promising for his birthday, he had told all his friends about it, and they were waiting to see it the next day. Embarrassment was new for him. He was too little to experience it before. However when he explained all of this to Itachi, he had bought him a brand new pencil case with everything in it, and that had diverted his friend's attention. Made him forget about all his sorrows.

It made a dent in Itachi's secret fund though. He saved all the money he got for any occasion ever since he started to realize that perhaps things that were not bare necessities would not be provided by their parents soon.

When he came out of his thoughts, Sasuke was dozing off in his lap, the pen loose in his grip, the corners of his mouth damp from saliva. Itachi pushed his chin gently. Stirring, he fell into deeper sleep as Itachi shifted him securely and got up to tuck him in

Xxxxxx

Mikoto looked at Itachi as he walked in the kitchen. He didn't look tired. That's good, he needs to study, more than he ever did before. If he wants to get a secure job, there's no other option. Businesses has no guarantee these days. Just look at their father. Never gambles or threw money around yet still they are facing such difficult times.

"Did you finish your homework?" she asked. Itachi nodded. He pulled out the chair and sat opposite of her. She was rarely in a good mood lately. She had an incredible power of affecting others with her own mood. When she was happy, everyone else in the house was happy. Recently though, all she gave away was agitation. She never said anything out loud, but it creates a strange invisible distance between them. Almost 14, Itachi missed the mother he had when he was 8.

"Sasuke's shirts look worn off" he said quietly. It's the first time he said something like this. It felt like guilt. The way his mother looked at him with surprised eyes didn't help. He felt like he was pushing them.

"It's just the colors" she recovered "I put them in the sun too long after washing" it could be this, or it could be because some of they were hand me downs from Itachi, and some were from bargain shops. They rarely sold the best quality things.

Itachi looked at her for a long moment and nodded. He didn't know what he was expecting to hear, but a young kid himself, it provided him with comfort. He nodded again as his mother offered him some tea. And they sat in silence until he left to join back his studies.

That night Mikoto wept, and the next morning the low voiced arguments between her and her husband got a little bit louder.

Xxxxx

"And don't forget the last chapter! It will be in the exam!" Minato sensei said loudly as the bell rang. The kids were ready to jump out the windows in their haste to get out. From their behavior you'd think they are being held captive instead of… oh who cares. These kids have it too hard. Prestigious school like Konoha high has to apply pressure to keep the results and reputation up. But sometimes he can't help but feel sorry.

"Shisui, stay, we need to talk" The young Uchiha gave a weary glance at Itachi, who was silently regarding him with 'what did you do now you troublemaker' look. Itachi lingered near the door for his best friend. The sensei said something in a low voice and Shisui started to panic. He then looked at Itachi at the door and frowned "You shouldn't let him drag you into his shenanigans Itachi" and let them off with that

"What shenanigans were he talking about this time?" Annoyance crept into itachi's voice ever so slightly. Even though Shisui was older he was always getting in trouble. If his parents got a wind of it, it would be the end of their friendship. His parents were not the biggest fan of Shisui.

The messy haired teen was about to make up some excuse when the lazy drawling voice of one Hatake Kakashi got all of Itachi's attention.

"Itachi, how are you?" there was a hint of a smile in his voice that for some reason, made itachi's ears feel warmer than the rest of his body. He never tried to find out why, perhaps it's because Kakashi was senior, and quite popular and a good person and Itachi looked up to him.

The movies always makes the monstrous kid more popular where in reality it makes more sense that the good kid is popular. And thankfully, this time, Kakashi was the good guy. They exchanged pleasantries as Shisui got more annoyed by the minute. He was a strange guy this Shisui

"Someone told me a little red bird's got a crush on yooou" Kakashi said in a low singsong teasing voice. And Itachi was baffled. Is the silver haired teen pulling his leg?

"What are you talking about?" he managed to say way more calmly than he should. Itachi looked around and right then, a pale face, framed by fiery red hair blushed furiously and looked away. Who is that? Its the one Kakashi's talking on about?

Now that he thinks of it, he has seen that kid around several times, never paid any attention, Itachi has several things on his mind already. Kakashi laughed it off "How's that little brother of yours? Everyone calls him Itachi's shadow" Sasuke's topic quickly made Itachi come back to reality "He's okay, he should be going home by now, who knows maybe he waited up for me. He finished school two periods ago"

And just as he finished, at the end of the corridor, Sasuke's little black head bobbed up, he looked around quickly, searching through the forest of tall teenagers and found his brother in a moment with a hawk's precision. Face brightened, Sasuke ran but got shy to see the crowd around his brother that was now looking at him just as he got near. He slowed down and almost disappeared behind Itachi's legs

Kakashi chuckled and peeped back just as Rin showed up and cooed over Sasuke's cuteness, making him feel more shy than ever. He was hoping to get a piggy back ride home, at least from halfway from the school to house but that doesn't look so likely. He'd be too embarrassed as in his mind, he is at their level since he gets to hang out with them sometimes. And kids their levels don't get piggy back rides from their big brothers.

Five minutes far from the home, tired from walking, Sasuke was lagging behind. He was regretting, thinking he should have taken the ride with Naruto instead when suddenly Itachi crouched in front of him, offering his back

"Come on, no one can see us now" and without a second's hesitation, he climbed up Itachi's back with all the experience of a squirrel. Content, he decided he had made the right choice to stay and wait for Itachi. He started to happily describe his day.

As they got closer to the home, Itachi's feet got slower. There waited reality, with his mother's sighs and father's darkened face. Is this just him or the world is a bit gloomier every day he comes home. He would have stayed out a bit longer if it wasn't for Sasuke. And suddenly, the soft weight of his brother felt a lot heavier than it was.

Almost 14, Itachi wished he was far away from here.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note:** There is mention of drugs, alcohol and violence. Read at your own risk ^^

Things happen a bit fast, jumping from days to weeks. But it will slow down. Apologies for any mistakes.

xxxx

"Come on Itachi, give it a try!" Shisui had already pressed his hand over Itachi's mouth, with the cigarette stuck firmly in between his fingers. The Long haired teen barely had any time to process. But since it was already in his lips, he decided all experiences are necessary in life. What's a puff of smoke?

He inhaled, and instead of the smoke going in his lungs somehow it managed to stay in his mouth like a smoke filled balloon.

"You have to get it in your lungs" Shisui instructed and so he swallowed the smoke as if it was a tea without a temperature. It didn't make him cough as he had expected just the next moment he expelled through his nose a lot of smoke like a chimney, it made his eyes water.

Shusui was disappointed, he was expecting more of a reaction. What kind of a fellow was this Itachi, would anything phase him?

"You are a tree do you know that? Even trees have better reactions than you." he turned and pulled out a sake bottle "Lets see if this has any effect" He said, pouring out a cup to the brim.

Since he smoked, what harm could a cup of sake do? So he took it too, one cup, and it made him warm down to his toes, two and he felt lighter, three, and troubles were far away. He understood he shouldn't. And he remembered Minato's advice of not letting Shisui drag him into his shenanigans.

He was staying over with Shusui whose family was away for a reason he didn't remember and Kakashi joined and he was done with his first cup of sake. The silver haired teen gave Itachi an amused look, curiously waiting without admitting that he too wanted to see how Itachi would react to this intoxicants. Everyone was disappointed when Itachi just sat there calmly, with droopy eyes and slow motor reflex. Smiling at the jokes, sometimes replying but not making a fool of himself.

Kakashi stopped Shisui when he pulled out a pack of small white pills.

"I think it's enough for today, don't want to push him to do everything in one go do you?" And Shisui was not happy, he just wanted some blackmailing material. He offered them to Itachi who decided that it was enough. Curiosity should have a limit, so should experience. He also realized, Shisui was not a good company to have.

He slumped back against the sofa, shoulder brushing against Kakashi, feeling as if he had no body weight, and as if he had submerged under warm water where he could breathe. He didn't know what made him feel that way, the sake or Kakashi. That's a strange thought, why would Kakashi make him feel that way.

"Shame on you, you drank alcohol" Kakashi said, barely loud enough so Itachi could hear it. Kakashi was not keen about this sort of things. So he could judge. And it made Itachi feel like as if Kakashi cared. It was a good feeling to be cared for.

"So you are moving to Kiri? For college?" Kakashi asked, even though by now everyone knew.

"Yes, I got a partial scholarship" Itachi replied rubbing his too warm neck.

"Will you come by often?"

"I don't think so, once a year I suppose, depending on the ticket price" It won't be cheap even with a full scholarship. He was calculating how many hours he'd need to work a week. A lot of hours. But right them, he didn't feel like thinking.

"How's Sasuke fairing with you going?" Sasuke was almost 13 now. Not as calm as he used to be. News of Itachi's departure had hit him hard and he had started a quiet, defiant rebellion. Where Itachi saw Shisui on rare occasions, Sasuke hung out with them on a daily basis. Despite Itachi's displeasure. After today, experiencing how Shisui can push people to do things they don't really need to do, Itachi made a mental note to go home and make sure that Sasuke will not hang around with them anymore.

It was true he was experiencing things he shouldn't but Itachi knew himself. He had an iron will to stop himself if he wanted and he wasn't being rebellious that he needed to show the world that he smoked and drank. He had a feeling Sasuke would, and end up in addiction.

So the following day, when he was telling Sasuke again, not so casually that he shouldn't be around Shisui so much, all sasuke did was snort and walk out. If he couldn't convince Sasuke, he should convince Shisui. He had just two months left to take care of several things. His father wasn't in his best health. So Itachi had much more responsibility now than he had before.

They were selling his father's fishing supply stall. And what happened finally even after they got a very good price was, their debt were not met. So now they had no business and still debt and it was too many things he shouldn't worry about in his age. He had bags under his eyes.

When he warned Shisui for the third time, with his calm voice, Shisui was offended.

"I don't go to Sasuke, he comes to us." Shisui replied with annoyance.

"I know, but he is younger than us, and more naive. He just wants to do things to make his family angry. He needs some help and guidance. I won't be here from now on, I just want to make sure that he doesn't get in trouble then"

"Whatever man" Suisui waved him off with such negligence he had to bite off the inside of his cheek from hitting him.

Time blurred into hours days and weeks. And two days before his 18th birthday he saw Shisui on the corner of the park, handing Sasuke a cigarette that the young boy probably asked for. This is what he had wanted not to happen. This is why he had asked them to stay away from each other.

He walked towards them in unhurried motion, but with a determination he had not felt before. Obito, who was used to being a part of Shisui's "group" saw him first and elbowed Shisui, making a slight head tilt towards Itachi. By then everyone was aware and in slight discomfort. Within seconds, Sasuke experienced a mild panic, and then his stubbornness stopped him from throwing away the cigarette or making a run for it. He tried to stand his ground, with his head down like a bull wanting to charge. But Itachi, his teeth gritted in absolute calm fury, just walked past him.

Just as Shisui was about to say something in greeting, Itachi's taught body, with its feet so firmly planted on the ground made a twisting motion. With an arch, his elbow made an impact with Shisui's jaw that almost sent him flying. Shisui was sprawled on the ground. Not yet realizing from the adrenaline and shock that Itachi's lean elbow had shattered his left lower jaw, and he would soon be getting rid of some of his molars.

No one was trying to hold Itachi back because he didn't go after the fallen Shisui, he was quite aware of the damage he had inflicted and it was just the right amount for his crime. Everyone there were too shocked to realize what had just happened. Obito, looking at the dazed look at Shisui's face cursed under his breath and the trance broke. They were trying to get him up, asking something to no one in particular about what was _wrong_ with Itachi.

Itachi took no notice of them. He grabbed his little brother's wrist in a bone crushing grip and dragged him out of there. Sasuke moved behind him like a docile lamb, the cigarette, like the thought of rebellion, had fallen and been forgotten for that moment.

Once in the privacy of their home, Sasuke had regained some of his confidence. He had mustered up some courage and false anger to fuel his courage "What the he-" he couldn't finish before the palm of Itachi made contact with his cheek with a deafening smack.

"I know why you are upset, but you are not a child who understands nothing." Sasuke couldn't hear him over the ringing in his ears. His cheek was coloring rapidly, the sting being replaced with incredible heat from pain and shame.

"I didn't embarrass you in front of everyone, but the next time, it won't be others who gets the hit for your stupidity"

That night, Sasuke came up with at least half a dozen replies to hurt Itachi morally. He would use them all on the next opportunity. But before he had the chance, Itachi was gone to Kiri, a week earlier than they had planned. Leaving Sasuke boiling in his resentment and anger.


End file.
